S.3 Ep 2 | How Am I Unknowingly Reinforcing the Very Wound I’m Trying to Heal?

Written By Courtney Koester

How might we be reinforcing the very wound we’re trying to heal without even realizing it?

In this episode, I’m reflecting on a deep realization that recently clicked into place for me: that some of our most painful beliefs may be reinforced not only by what we’ve lived through, but by the subtle, unconscious ways we continue abandoning ourselves. I explore what it means to get honest about the wounds that rise to the surface in tender moments, to listen to what we truly believe beneath logic, and to notice how our repeated choices may be communicating something powerful to our inner world.

I talk about the connection between self-abandonment, feeling disposable, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and the quiet ways we may learn to place ourselves last without even realizing the deeper message that sends. I also reflect on what it means to build a more conscious, compassionate relationship with ourselves. One rooted not in cliché or bypass, but in curiosity, honesty, grace, and small brave choices over time.

This is an episode about core wounds, self-worth, relationship, and the slow practice of returning to the parts of ourselves we may have left behind. If you’ve ever struggled to believe that you matter, I hope this conversation offers a place to get curious about what’s been reinforced, what’s ready to be understood differently, and what it might look like to begin offering yourself another way.

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Key Topics Discussed:

0:00:00 Intro

0:00:08 The Deep Wound of Feeling Disposable

0:01:45 What Do I Really Believe in My Tenderest Moments?

0:03:06 Logic Versus What the Body Believes

0:04:36 Are My Head and Heart Working Together?

0:05:43 Getting Curious About Core Wounds

0:08:36 The Conversation I’m Having With My Wounds

0:09:53 How Self-Abandonment Teaches Us That We're "Disposable"

0:10:54 Loving Others First at Our Own Expense

0:13:09 The Internal Cost of People-Pleasing

0:16:55 What Self-Abandonment Teaches Us About Love

0:18:20 What Am I Communicating to Myself Every Day?

0:20:06 Can I Meet Myself the Way I Want to Be Met?

0:21:20 Rethinking Self-Love From the Inside Out

0:22:21 Self, Other, and the Dance of Relationship

0:25:21 Why Self-Love Can Feel Intangible

0:27:07 When Curiosity Starts to Replace Defensiveness

0:29:48 Slow, Brave Choices That Build Something New

0:33:15 How My Relationship to Self Shapes Everything

0:34:43 Questions to Ask When We Feel Uncomfortable

0:36:04 What Am I Modeling About How to Treat Me?

0:38:19 Honesty, Exhaustion, and Being Human

0:40:28 Giving Ourselves Grace Changes What We Can Give

0:42:20 Safe Containers, Trauma, and Resourcing

0:43:22 None of Us Are Disposable

0:44:26 What If I Don’t Believe That Yet?

0:47:10 Turning Toward the Parts I Abandoned

0:50:20 Practicing Being Seen in the Mess

0:53:34 What Medicine Might Be Offered If We Don’t Hold Back?

0:54:52 You Matter, You Are Not Disposable

Share Your Voice

What questions are you currently living into? What’s been on your heart or mind—something you’re navigating, exploring, or trying to make sense of in your life? I’d love to hear from you. Leave a voice message at the link below, and your question might be featured on a future episode of Living the Questions. Let’s create a space for open, thoughtful conversation together. Leave a message here: https://www.speakpipe.com/LivingTheQuestions

Book a 1:1 Conversation Session

Feeling the pull to explore something more deeply? These 1:1 conversation sessions are a space to bring your questions, challenges, or curiosities and be met with presence and care. Whether you’re seeking clarity, support, or simply room to reflect, we’ll journey through it together. Learn more + book a session: https://www.ckoesterinspired.com/conversation-sessions

Ready to take these conversations deeper?

Living the Questions isn’t just about exploring big ideas — it’s about living them. If you’re craving a space to untangle what’s true for you, witness + relate differently with old patterns, and step into a more aligned, embodied way of being, my Rehumanizing YOU coaching offerings might be your next step.

This is a space for deep inquiry, integration, and transformation — where we invite curiosity to become clarity and insight to alchemize into action.

Curious? Let’s explore together: ⁠https://www.ckoesterinspired.com/rehumanizing-you

Resources:


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Courtney Koester https://www.ckoesterinspired.com
Next

S.3 Ep 1 | How Do We Live the Questions When Life Doesn’t Go to Plan?